Happy Birthday

My sister is the "coolest." Most people with a sibling five years older than them will agree with me because the age gap is enough not to interact with each other at school so everything they do is something only the cool kids in your school do. 

 

I learn from her actions, think about how she would handle things and make my necessary adjustments.  She will be the example for me always because that is what an older sibling is.

I know I feel as though every day I do not have the girls as I promised her I would I am failing her.  I am not in control of this and I am doing my best not act like my sister in this time.  She would be very verbal about how she disagrees with the situation she would be offended that everyone involved KNOWS her wishes and yet here we are still in this situation.

I know... I know... i know... these things take time but when you add 5 years before before and arrest, 2 years Covid delay, 1 year after conviction that is 8 years.  Add that to the ages of 5 years and 4 months old, yes your answer is 13 and 8 (almost 9) years old.  How much time is still needed for her wishes to be granted and her girls to feel they are in the right place?

These are my thoughts on her birthday.  My failures and knowing she would not bite her tongue at the social gathering even if it is her birthday.  Mind you she would wait until after dinner and her DQ cake before throwing the tantrum. Oh and after presents she definitely knew where her priorities were.

She was always more beautiful with her blonde hair like a barbie doll.  I was jealous of her proportions even if her "lungs" as mom called them caused my sister issues at least she had them instead of me flat but with a belly.  She was funny and had that silly I don't care attitude especially if she heard her favorite song on the radio. 

She is the reason I heard New Kids on The Block the first time and why I was the only kindergartner absolutely in love with them.  When teachers found out I was her sister there was this expectation.  Most often this realization didn't occur until after initial parent teacher conferences because of our last name differences.  But once the teachers connected the dots I always felt on the spot.  She was smarter, I maybe more vocal in class but my voice is often me talking to myself out loud on accident and not because I know the right answer.  

She loved life even when it was hard.  She had downs that she made questionable decisions but they were calculated decisions.

She is the Thrill Rider, Turn the Radio Up Higher, Sing Louder, Dancer like No One is Watching, Gravitational Pull that was my big sister one of the pieces of my heart that will forever have her voice in my head screaming kick kick kick, pull pull pull, go go go, no matter how long I breathe.

Happy Birthday 

Amaysibg Thoughts