Fridays bring back memories of "Favorite Shows" our catch phrase for the television prime time lineup on ABC growing up. Friday's meant family time, pizza and picking out our weekend rentals at Schnuks grocery store in Missouri or Blockbuster in Michigan. We would eat, bathe, and get in our pjs by 8 pm so we didn't miss a second of 2 hours of the best television shows ever. So many transitioned through the Friday line up from Full House, Family Matters, Step by Step, Dinosaurs, Roseanne, Home Improvement, and most shows came and went settling on their own specific night during the week. We were in bed by the time 20/20 came on but knew that it was what mom and dad would be watching after our 2 hours were up.
To think this memory is full of fun and my sisters spent with our favorite shows. Then I am brought back to reality that I have been on 20/20.
https://abc.com/shows/2020/episode-guide/2022-11/29-cold-to-the-touch
The show we didn't get to watch until we were older. When we could stay up past 10pm on a Friday. I knew back then who Barbara Walters was but I had never gotten to see her show. The show 20/20 is like a reality based horror show. Consisting of stories like the spring break teens gone missing while vacationing outside the US or scams people partipate in to take advantage of others leaving them penniless. These were the unknown stories I was not ready for. I have only ever wanted life's problems to be solved in 30 minutes to some instrumental music and wise words from a trusted adult.
I sit her on Friday night with the television off since there is no such thing as TGIF or Favorite Shows anymore. Television is full of reality that is either scripted to be so ridiculous or fictional and not worth my energy. I still have my favorite dramas like Grey's Anatomy but I am seasons behind because the drama of it all is just too heartbreaking to move forward. (Alex... I miss Alex.)
I sit here instead with a book on my lap and listening to my girls upstairs playing trivia with Alexa taking turns shouting out answers. "Country, Germany!" While the next shouts, "Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy!"
They settled upstairs after we had dinner and discussed our schedule for next week and Easter. Conversation transitioned to talk about penmanship and next I knew we were writing our names. The oldest angry she writes her middle initial like her father. The youngest says, "Can we change our last names, like forever?" They discuss changing once they are married. My older sister hyphenated her middle name with her maiden name as a way of keeping it without having confusion if she were to have kids. While my little sister and myself simply took our husband's name dropping our maiden names (yet even 16 years later when someone asks me to state my name I naturally still recite my first, middle, maiden having to correct myself as if I am a newlywed).
The girls have so many opinions and wants but time has to happen for things to be settled. The Appeal was just denied.
https://people.com/conviction-upheld-for-mich-man-who-killed-wife-by-putting-heroin-in-cereal-weeks-after-she-gave-birth-8601803
So many are relieved by this news but I still have to wait 18 months to proceed to my next step. My fight is not over even though many officials who dragged their feet can think it is done and that my family can simply move on.
Reality doesn't work like the scripted ones on television. Decisions are made and it causes a ripple effect. When a bobber causes a ripple you have to wait for the right time to pull back on the line otherwise you scare the fish and have to wait for the next bite. He still has his parental rights. CPS will not move to revoke them because they are considered safe in a Guardianship. This doesn't mean the girls feel permanency it is more like the opposite. I can tell them the appeal is denied but the fact that he has rights as their father leaves them thinking in the back of their heads that he still has control. This is not fair to them. This is not just for two girls that didn't do anything to warrant their current situation.
We have so many emotions in this house from the events of the past ten years (yes the 4 month old infant will be 10 years old). I sit in my office zoned into work and anyone who comes to speak to me startles me to the point of heart pounding panic cry when I realize they are there. When you spent 10 years aware of your surroundings, monitoring your review mirror incase someone wS following you, and being on high alert in public it does something to you. Many can think it was overreaction and unjustified paranoia. All I can say is when you find out your brother-in-law was looking to hire someone to shoot your sister and his children from prior marriage were now affiliated with gangs and one of them was convicted of possession of firearms serving a federal prison sentence. Can you really say it is unjustified paranoia?
I have so many wants for the girls. I want them to have TGIF and stop having to live in an episode of 20/20. I want their laughs of trivia and banter that are trickling down the stairs right now to be their reality all the time. Two girls and an Alexa connected to Amazon Music and Audible the sounds that fill my living room are the best kind of TGIF. It is almost 10 pm and I know it won't last much longer before they remember their 4.5 year age gap. The bickering will begin and they will seperate to their own rooms frustrated with each other and their circumstances in general. We will work through these moments working towards a time where they get their permanency and never have to feel their fathers control again. Appeal is denied but the girls are still waiting for 20/20 episode to end.
TGIF... Thank God It's Friday!!
Amaysing Thoughts
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