My Facebook Memories have reminded me that a year ago today the testimony concluded, final arguments were heard, and jury began their deliberations.
I am also reminded that today is indeed my brother-in-law's birthday. The number 16 was always significant for my sister. Her birthday in January 16th, her husband is November 16th, and they opted to get married August 16th. My mom started giving them their birthday gifts on December 16th she would say it was splitting the difference.
I didn't expect to feel melancholy like I do on other significant days like the anniversary of someone's death. I think of him often as I do her. Not because I want to but I feel it is important to keep positive memories in the for front especially for my nieces.
I am often accused of filling my nieces heads with negativity when it comes to their father. Thing is I am the last person who would do that. As they get older they will see more and more negativity regarding them they don't need me to add to it. What they won't see is the positive times.
They won't be able to read about midnight glow bowling at Richfield Lanes, Game Nights with Rotel dinner, or watching movies. They won't ready about various holidays and memories with his kids. I have known his kids from his first marriage since his son was three years old and his oldest daughter was an infant. They are in their twenties now and both of them have criminal records.
I don't want to add to the negativity for my nieces. I also know I will not always tell them the positive but rather the truth. If it is regarding negative events I will be truthful.
Emotions will level in time but this is really difficult to deal with. Tomorrow is one year since we heard guilty on all accounts but it wasn't a joyous moment. There was no relief because it caused me to realize this really happened. We all haven't settled into this new reality yet Facebook is reminding me it has been a year.
Will there ever be a time where this won't impact me mentally, physically, and emotionally? At this point, my answer is No.
He is spending his first birthday in prison, and I spent today still unable to comprehend how we hot to this point.
November 16th... it is a day that will never be the same.
Amaysing Thoughts
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