Thursday was a day of anxiety for me. There are things you do for a funeral that are just regular everyday things but because of the event it adds more pressure causing more anxiety.
I have had quite a few funerals in my lifetime. Each had their own obstacles and the impact was different. Many people, my mother included, did not have many elderly family members to warrant so many events at a younger age.
My mom while both of her parents were one of seven children each has caused my grandparents generation to have a large number of events as they grew older. My mom's grandparents however were gone while she was younger. My father on the other hand, his parents were an only child and the oldest of three. Although, when he was born he had three living grandparents that didn't pass until I was in middle school and in college years.
Having so many living elderly makes one to two days of viewing at the funeral home and the service the day following exhausting. Unfortunately, we as a family have become well versed in funeral home etiquette in 2002. That year, my Grandpa H. passed in January, my Great Aunt's mom passed in March, my Great Grandma passed in May, and then I personally had other friends and acquaintances pass so that year alone I attended seven individuals funeral services. I felt like I lived at the one funeral home that year.
Throughout the years, as of 2014, we have had many of my Grandpa's siblings pass. While my sister was on maternity leave we attended a funeral service for our Great Uncle. I remember she and I commenting on the difficulty as it was the first service we had attended in that specific funeral home in that specific room since our Grandpa H.'s funeral.
My sister never reacted well at services. There was always worry her anxiety would inevitably cause a spectacle. I then out of total embarrassment would try to excuse myself as to not cause further disturbance. I was always on pins and needles watching her every move just so I could do the polite head nod, subtle wave, and mouthing sorry as I exit the situation with whatever was left behind.
One thing I have always fretted over is... what to wear. I mean I don't ever have a closet full of black clothing. It is also extremely difficult to find clothes that fit my body type. You know the type the apple belly, no hips, no butt, no chest, and legs that cannot hold up crew socks... yeah where is my anthem. I don't hear anyone singing, "Apple belly jeans, ankle boots with no fur cause nobody's lookin' at her."
Well, not only did my little sister and I have to find something to wear we were asked pick out an outfit for our sister. I was definitely not prepared for this request. I mean to be honest my older sister took from my closet often and so it wasn't an issue of what size because I knew all of that. My issue running through my head is what outfit would she want everyone to see her wearing the last time they see her.
I had never thought about things like this until my last conversation with my Great Grandma in 2002. She showed me the homemade afghan blanket and the white night gown she had chosen. She told me these items were chosen because she wanted everyone to see she was ready for her final resting place where she would wait for my Great Grandpa to come find her.
My sister was not one for night gowns. The three of use girls wished my Grandpa H. had been dressed in his version of dressing up which meant his KMart blue jeans and his crisp navy Binford Tools t-shirt. My Grandma H. opted that he wore a suit. To this day we believe that suit was not originally owned by him. Now my sister and I had to figure what our sister was going to wear. Our sister was an oversized t-shirt and cutoff jean shorts while being barefoot kind of girl.
We spent the day hitting up the plus size stores finding clothes for ourselves, our mother who was working, and our sister. She was barefoot not that anyone would know because that side of the casket was closed. We found black dress pants and we settled on a top from Dress Barn. We had to purchase undergarments and all.
I still feel like society should normalize dressing as you would everyday. I know the style of top, the store I bought it from and everything. When I think of my sister I think of oversized t-shirt, cutoff jean shorts and barefooted with her hair either in a bun or down.
The rest of the day was spent with my dad finalizing the video slideshow presentation to be played during the viewing. This was hard as assembling it meant gathering every photo in a short amount of time. Scanning it to then have my dad piece it all together. He included home video clips and to this day I believe I have only seen the final product one time.
There was a lot of emotions and we also had obtained the cloned phone so I was prepared to return the original phone to my brother-in-law. I knew he would be asking me for it as he already mentioned it at the flower shop the day before. I told him I was still working on getting the pictures off of it.
My dad had left multiple messages with the local detective. With the viewing schedulesd for Friday and service Saturday it left only a few "business hours" left. We knew she was scheduled for cremation following the funeral service. We wanted to make sure the detective and medical examiner's office were fully aware. We wanted to give them every opportunity to collect any and all evidence they may need before it would be unable to them.
Yes, I said that but I will say it again... We wanted to give them every opportunity to collect any and all evidence they may need before it would be unable to them.
How many families do you know are choosing funeral attire, assembling funeral slideshow, cloning a cellphone and leaving voicemails that are not being returned to verify any and all evidence the body can provide is collected? My guess is none... and I would not have ever imagined it would be us doing it.
I have struggled writing about Thursday
In part due to my anxiety about this Thursday, July 28th. My sister's story will air on ABC 2020's Special Presentation @ 10pm est Fatal Flaw episode 4 Secret in the Freezer. We have not seen any portion of the episode and only know our view point from the day we interviewed. I am nervous as to the angle the story can be taken. Also please note, this is considered News therefore we were not compensated for telling our story.
I know no matter how the story is told to fit the shows theme the truth is being told by me right here. Up next is the viewing... boy is there a lot to discuss about that.
To be continued...
Amaysing Thoughts
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