Ten years. 9/29/2014 - 9/29/2024

Ten years.  9/29/2014 - 9/29/2024

My life was forever changed when my big sister died.

There is no way I could be who I was before she died.  I have learned so much about myself, my family, and the world.  There is no other option to move forward with this knowledge and be who I am now.

Before she died, I was focused on completing my bachelor's degree and maintaining my full time position as branch manager of a credit union.  There was very little free time and I was very focused.

In this ten years, so much has happened I am still waiting for the calm and acceptance.  Reduced trauma triggers and things to relax so I don't continue to be in fight or flight mode.

Everything that has happened...

My sister died, we fought with police to work case, lost my job, got a new job, we did a civil case, finally there were charges/arrest, district court heating to see if prepared for circuit court, COVID, left job to work fully remote back in financial industry, criminal trial (COVID delayed this 2 yrs), conviction, sentencing, Grandma's lake house property disbute, Uncle had a stroke ending up in long term care, won Guardianship of girls, Dad passed away 2 weeks after diagnosis, and now I am getting a divorce.

I can't say anything but it is a series of extremely difficult life lessons.  I feel like I have been on an endless path of horrible things trying to break my spirit.  When I was in high school my swim team awarded me the "Care Bear" award.  I hugged everyone following their event gave words of encouragement whether they won or lost.  I always tried to look for the positive as to not dwell on the negative.

I now analyze all possibilities and focus to reduce or eliminate as much negative as possible.  Some thing I am just focused on negative but I see it was what to avoid.  I don't like to feel blindsided or surprised.  I am tired of discovering the negative and having to react to it or clean up after it.  I want to prevent it or at least prepare myself for the possible outcome.

Ten years of trauma and uncontrollable unplanned events that I am continually trying to manage my way through has changed me.

Is it good?  Well the events are not anything I wish anyone would have to endure.  It has made me stronger, more self reliant, and more appreciative of those who I care about.  I understand everyday matters.  Don't just let weeks pass waiting for the right time.  Do it as soon as possible you might have tomorrow.

Always say I love you... then you know those you love never have to wonder how you feel.

Amaysing Thoughts