Man Up

Man up.

My dad played a game when we were little.  I would ask to play it and believe of the three of us I enjoyed it the most.

My dad was the father of three girls.  He would lay on the floor when we were little and let us play beauty salon with our combs, brushes and barettes.  Until one day he leaned forward and the barette just fell right out that was when the beauty salon was closed for good.  Male patterned baldness could not hold up a plastic bow barette.  

My dad was the best girl dad.  He taught us it is okay to beat the boys and encouraged us to do so.  We were smart and could do whatever we wanted to as long as we worked hard to achieve it.  

My favorite game though was Sons.  My dad would flip the switch and call us his three sons, Christopher, Kyle and Patrick.  Miss Manners, Katrina, would then take the stance no dad we're girls!  I am not a Boy!  He would play right into his role, "Stop it, Kyle, I have three sons.  I don't know what your talking about."  This would go on for some time and then he would flip the switch again and I would then be Katrina again, no longer Kyle.

I have always joked my alter ego is Kyle.  The name peselected by my dad.  The part of me that helped grandpa in the garage woodworking.  The one who was dad's helper building sheds in the back yard, "Hand me a screwdriver."  The one who knew the difference between phillips head, and flat head (never cross or straight).  The one who checked the oil in my first car weekly and knew how to diagnose my cars rattling noises.

The part of me I allow to take over when mom calls that she has a flying rodent, that I, Katrina, am panic attack driven fully fearful of.  Kyle is the one who entered the house from the garage calmly pinpointed its location, grabbed the nearest long handled device (a mop), got it trapped in the mop, and thrown outside so my mom didn't have to be terrified.  Kyle did that, Katrina had the panic attack hyperventilating crying aftermath that followed.

My mom has said many times, my husband has been gone too long he can come home anytime now.  I get it this business trip had lasted almost two years and he is not coming home.  

I have said, I am trying my best to man up.  Fix what is broken, manage what he managed, and be Kyle.  Katrina feels like this game is last a little longer than expected.  She is ready for dad to flip the switch and let her be his little girl, again.

He used to say when I first started talking I would meet him at the door hold up arms and say, "I a Bup."  He called me Bup because he said I was so little I was a baby but little like a puppy so I was a Buppy later shortened to Bup.  Bup was his pinky holder in the parking lot.  My hand too small to hold hands that I only held his pinky.

My dad was known in Shady as Uncle Bubb.   Hence why I call my nephew Bubb.  It seems like the B nicknames always stick.  My niece's are Bug and BooBoos. My nephew Bubb and then of course the littlest who has a mind of her own I call Sassy Pants.

Bup grew up and became Beaner later shortened to Bean.  I rarely ever recall hearing Katrina said by my dad.  If it weren't Bean it was Trina but even that was rare.

Bean started in adolescence and lasted throughout.  Beaner stuck to the point my Grandpa Hooper called me Beaner and quit using my full name or Trina.  My cousin when he learned to talk called me Beaner.  Yet, it was only the men in my family that used the nickname.  To everyone else I was Trina.  

I have only ever been Katrina at school, work, or partnered with Marina by my mom.  Katrina Marina, a fitting nickname for a swimmer.  

Kyle though has a place and with no men left to call when help is needed Kyle has to man up and answer the call.  Katrina can beat the boys, be smart, and work hard to have what she wants.  Kyle is the son my parent's never had but still taught how to do the things that need to be done.  Like take out the trash, catch the flying rodent, fix the internet, light the water heater, problem solve the furnace, and find the right tool to fix the problem.

Dad taught Kyle how to man up, I just wish the game didn't have to last so long this time.  I am okay with just being Bean, Trina, Katrina Marina, and Katrina, again.

Amaysing Thoughts