I remember the sound of the 1983 Chevrolet Chevette at the top of the hill when we lived in Missouri. I would confirm I was right simply by looking out my bedroom window and seeing the shape of the headlights. Dad is home from where ever his business trip had taken him. He traveled a lot back then.
When he became the the Director of Presales Training for Siemens his trips were longer and further. Instead of California it was England, Spain, Germany, Japan, and others. He actually booked airfare to fly around the world which saved the company on one of his conferences. He left Detroit flew East to his destination and two weeks later he continued the trip and landed in Detroit from the West. World traveler, yes, my dad was that quite literally.
I know I have disassociated this past year defaulting to the thoughts he is just on a long trip. When he was let go from Siemens post merger by error he found himself seeking employment. That year he lived weeks in Arizona for a consulting position. Then he found a job that caused him to live in Boston for a year. That year was difficult. My Grammy (his mother) became very ill. That year I drove my little sister and I to Shady Valley. This was my first time driving there without a parent. Once we arrived we met Dad who had driven from Boston. That year I roadtripped with my Uncle to see Dad for a week in Boston. He flew home a few times but knowing Dad was living in Boston was tough. It was unlike the times during relocation that dad traveled ahead of us there was a known ending on the horizon.
Regardless of distance my dad was a phone call away. He was a wise guy both with intelligence and humor. His ability to connect with people in a public forum and present in front of any size group was aMAYSing. Mainly because when it came down to it my dad was content with his iPad download of hos current library book just sitting in a comfy chair.
I always have had people tell me how much they love my parents. I have always said, "My parents are my people. I don't know what I would do with out them." Thing is if he is on another business trip he isn't gone. I know he isn't but when I remember that fact it is a struggle to suppress all the emotions.
My dad was my superhero. When my tire went flat my dad was at the office but he dropped everything and drove the hour to come fix my flat. When I needed things around the house fixed he was the one to call. If I forgot the, "name of that one movie... ya know with the guy from that other show." He had the answer.
He constantly hummed, whistled, snapped, tapped, clapped, drummed, or sang any tune in his head at the time. This ranged from Patty Cake to Doc Watson (instrumental banjo) to Bohemian Rhapsody, Garth Brooks, or There a Hole in the Bucket.
Last time I saw my dad I took him to the ER. We waited he was in pain so he found a spot and stayed there until he had to adjust. I let him be sitting there waiting. They determined he would be admitted and mom came in to take over. I tapped my Dad on his leg as he was faced away from me. I said, "I will see you later, love you." He said, "Love you too Bean and waved his hand."
That week was busy as I was involved in family therapy with the kids and couples therapy. There was very little down time. My dad and I texted regarding his communication about doctors plans. He was restless and just wanted to be home. I was trying to get game plan for cancer treatment plans for handling the infection. He was agitated. The day before he died he was released from the hospital as a late release. He didn't get home until dark. My mom video called me and said we made it we got him to his chair. He has an appointment for antibiotics at 7:00am.
Needless to say my mom found him around 5:00am and he was gone. I know he would have been the most difficult patient. My dad had only been "sick" one time prior that I can remember and that was Walking Pneumonia. He never called in to work sick. He just had allergies but it didn't prevent him from functioning.
He would have hated every step of the cancer treatment process. He would have been so annoyed he would have self sabotaged. He was just like that. I know in the end with the minimal pain he was feeling was enough. He wouldn't have handled more. He would never have left willingly. He is devastated he can't be with his grandkids, his girls, and his Sweetie "Babe".
Without a doubt I know my dad loved us all beyond words. I was gifted a wind chime from a friend when he passed. It chimes even when it seems there is no wind. I talk to it knowing he can hear me. I say, "Hey Dad." I think of many responses he may have said like, "Hay is for horses." The response I miss the most, "Hey Bean."
I miss his voice, his singing/humming, his long winded explanations (there are 2 things... 1.... and B.) Most of all I miss his Hugs and knowing if I need anything he will be there. It is easier to think he is flying around the world, eating who knows what and pocketing a beer bottle or glass where ever he is. This way I don't have to think I will never have a Dad Hug, a Hey Bean, or an I love you, again.
Amaysing Thoughts
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