Making sure our emotions were under control and we were ready to interact with my brother-in-law. We pull in almost at the same time but they were first.
My mom, little sister and I get out of the car. There he is wearing a fedora. Seriously, what about this situation leads one to wear a fedora. His mother does a polite smile with head nod. His son gets out and gives a hug to my mom and I. I instantly notice his eyes and realize he appears to be higher than a kite.
I have not seen his son like this before. Now I do not have experience to really identify drunk, high, stoned, or other descriptions related to drug use. I have liver cirrohsis (we believe it is hereditary and I won the genetic lottery) which I have dealt with liver testing since I was fourteen. This has caused me to make the conscious decision not to drink. If you have known me for any period of time you also know I do not agree with smoking.
I was the three year old who learned at Little Lambs Preschool in Orange Park, FL that smoking was bad and could kill you. From that day forward I have "politely" reminded all of my family members who smoked this fact and that they should quit. My dad, aunts, and eventually my older sister have appreciated this reminder over the years. (Yes, that was complete sarcasm.) Making conscious decisions to not partake in these activities means my experience around them are limited.
Working at the movie theater I experienced people under the influence of a variety of substances. Many people apparently want to experience watching films on the big screen under all sorts of mind altering drugs. Whether it was finding the remnants of it while ushering the Auditorium, smelling it on the selling them tickets, or trying to understand the order while collecting their cravings in the concession stand it is scary to think they drive to and from the theater. Even with these observations I have a hard time identifying what characteristics relate to what substance.
Seeing my brother-in-law and his mother act as though his son's behavior, demeanor, and overall appearance was normal was hard to stomach. I wanted to say, "What the hell are you on?"; "Where did you get it?"; and "What happened to my sister?" Shortly after entering the flower shop he went to the car. Upon leaving we observed him completely passed out in the back seat. Not just sleeping because my brother-in-law knocked on window to prompt him to say goodbye but he did not move even though his head was resting on the window. His mother said, "He isn't feeling well." My thoughts were screaming, "No, he is on something!"
Our inner circle was extremely small. My best friend, and my little sister's derby bestie were included. My little sister's bestie is a retired police officer whose husband is still active in law enforcement south of us. Communication and ideas were being passed between them since Monday. We were told it might be a good idea to communicate with the Medical Examiners office since Tuesday it was determined my sister would be cremated. Phone calls were happening trying to get a non-recurring contact for the medical examiner's office. We wanted to make sure we also were able to receive any report issued so it wasn't just information filtered through my brother-in-law.
While in the flower shop my sister was having to step out to the parking lot to handle phone calls regarding the medical examiner's office. Mean while my mom, brother-in-law, his mom and I are looking through books and choosing arrangements. My brother-in-law and his mother wanted a single small casket spray and that stated wife and mother and a small arrangement from their side of the family.
My mom insisted my niece have her own arrangement saying "Mumma" which is what my four year old niece called my sister. My mom knew my Grandma and Uncle would need arrangement as well as a Sisters and Daughter arrangement. My mom eyed a medium size figurine of the Virgin Mary that my mom knew my Grandma would like. This figurine has found its home on my parents mantel. We are not the type for religious items on display. We don't have crosses on the wall at or jesus photo on the wall. Honestly the picture that has been on the wall that I identify as home is an image of a girl and a collie (Lassie dog) standing the corner. This figurine is different, Mary is different, she was a mother who lost her child.
My mom identified another keepsake she had to get. My niece's nickname is Bug. Her bedspread was pink ladybugs. Her first Halloween costume was a ladybug and my sister was obsessed with making it her daughters icon. My mom saw a hanging ladybug bird bath and knew she had to get it. My sister would have made sure it was purchased if she had laid eyes on it. With all of our arrangements ordered and making sure our side was represented to met our expectations especially my Grandmother's expectations. My Grandmother has social anxiety and is not one to go do things on her own. This doesn't stop her from expecting my mom will take care of it for her. She will take credit for it as though she did it herself but those who know her know it was my Grandpa who did this stuff and since his death my mom has been the one to do it for her.
My mom and I pretty much focused on our arrangements while they meandered around the shop waiting for us. My brother-in-law was making comments regarding his anticipation of what was going to be at the funeral home from others. He had his phone in hand constantly on it. Upon leaving the shop we said our goodbyes and my mom was relieved when they were discussing going out for lunch.
This meant we knew they would be busy while my parents headed to the police department. My sister updated us on the medical examiner's office and that she was awaiting a return call. We returned to my parents house and my dad was ready. My little sister and I sat waiting for what felt like an eternity. We worried and wondered thinking up different scenarios in our heads.
This all had been so surreal. This doesn't happen in real life we must be in some weird dream. Any moment my big sister will walk through the door and say "Got ya!" When my parents pulled in we were on the edges of our seats. We were about to add another MAJOR twist to this already unfathomable situation.
To be continued...
Funerals are not cheap but what is more important... celebrating someones life and not worrying about the bottom line or doing the bare minimum in order to save more funds for yourself? For me... I want to use the funds to celebrate them. I guess I think this way because working for the credit union and handling deceased accounts you see the worst side of people. The greed, selfish, irresponsible, and down right evil side that will do anything to make sure they come out financially on top. It is a dark side and I prefer the light.
Amaysing Thoughts