Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful and many would say this year my family has so much to be thankful for...

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday with a close second being Christmas.  We lived in 5 different states growing up and my Grandma/Grandpa Hooper would come from Michigan to see us on Thanksgiving.  I remember them in North Carolina and Missouri.  They would bring Christmas with them so we had a double holiday when they would visit.  We were only able to have Christmas at a special time because my Grandma Hooper was friends with Santa.  Not many kids can say that.

Thanksgiving has always been family time. Even when I worked at the movie theater.  Since the theater was open 365 days a year holidays was a requirement.  My parents would come to watch a movie while I was working and then we would have dinner when I got out of work or before work if I wasn't lucky enough to have the opening shift.  My Grandpa Hooper cooked or my mom cooked or they both cooked... it did not matter it was always the same dinner and it was always aMAYSing.  Before I worked at the theater we would would have a new movie or rented movie to watch.  I remember one year was Independence Day and Grandpa was stuffed... he frowned because of his full belly but it was the first movie he didn't snore through.

When I got married I opted to cook.  I wanted my in-laws to share in a tradition I LOVE.   Also, I was practicing because I figured if I got the system worked out early when I had kids it would be less stressful.  I always plan ahead for my anxiety to help prevent panic attacks sometimes it works and then again sometimes it backfires.  I cooked all the main staples turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, rolls, green bean casserole, veggies and dip, and the fancy can ridged Oceanspray jellied cranberry sauce (my Grandpa Hooper's special recipe).  My family started going to Frankenmuth to meet my Grandma Hooper.  They would all come to my house for dessert.  It only took one year for me to realize my inability to say "NO" resulted in us have zero leftovers and my family along with my in laws had them.  I got to the point over the next 4-5 years that I was making 2 turkeys, and basically dinner for 30 even though only 13-14 would have dinner.

I was overwhelmed with making sure my tradition was what I wanted and expected I didn't have time to get all of it done.  I was working full time at the credit union and my assistant asked for the day before Thanksgiving so she could meal prep.  She was my moms age with the grandkids.  I always gave her the day off because let's face it I cannot say "NO".  I was getting home at 7:30 - 8 pm.  Then would begin my up well past midnight and awake by 5:30 am routine. 

Christy started doing a trade with me.  She would make the pumpkin pies and I would give her a gallon size ziplock of stuffing.  This was a Win for me... I make stuffing and do not eat it... at all.  I am not a fan but that didn't prevent me from making it every year.  I can't have Thanksgiving without it. 

I remember Thanksgiving 2009.  Christy was exhausted she had went to her in-laws where they didn't have "our" food so she was not a fan.  She asked if she could go upstairs to my room and I said sure.  Everyone was passing around baby Hailey and I realized Christy still wasn't down yet.  I went up to check on her and she had just finished pumping.  I had brought her a bottle water and we sat on my bed with the door closed hearing all the muffled commotion downstairs. 

Remembering it now and sitting their then we spoke about Grandma and Grandpa Hooper's house.  We recalled sharing an air mattress in the dining room and all the adults were watching television and telling us to roll over and go to sleep.  We laughed wondering how could they expect us to just sleep when if felt like we were I

In the middle of the room.  To be honest their house isnt that big so we quite literally were in the middle of everything.  

I asked her if she was ready to go back to reality and she said yes.  We went down to the 20 people all in my house visiting and chatting and had our favorite desserts. We were creating new memories although the old ones were never far from our minds.

I miss my Thanksgiving and what it used to be.  My husband's Grandma told me the last Thanksgiving I cooked that she wouldn't be there next year.  I will never forget looking at her and saying, "Stop that, of course you will."  Well, Grandma Hawkins was right she passed away that Labor Day weekend so she was not there for Thanksgiving.  My mother in-law had a really hard time and didn't want Thanksgiving.  I tried really hard to encourage her to come but we ended up at my parents who were not going to Frankenmuth that year and from then on it has seemed very random.  

When Christy died it really left me with emptiness for holidays especially Thanksgiving.  The girls spent those days with their fathers family.  Knowing how Christy felt about the food and wanting to get out of there as soon as she could to get to my house or our family made me miss her even more.  

This year we have a conviction but I still don't have Christy.  I just made stuffing for the first time since Grandma Hawkins passed and my whole house smells like Thanksgivings past.  If I close my eyes the smell can let my mind wander to giggling on an air mattress trying to be quiet, Grandpa Hooper snoring with a full belly and of course the burps to make more room for dessert, the years of panic to make things just right for my in-laws, Grandma Hawkins kicking me out of the kitchen so she could do the dishes, and sitting upstairs for a quiet moment with my big sister.  

I have the stuffing but I miss her pies. I am thankful and yet my heart hurts and the memories are sad.  Thanksgiving is a time for family and I really miss my traditions.  

Do not take for granted these moments with family cherish them and lock them away so you can hold on to them forever.

aMAYSing Thoughts