These phrases all have one thing in common which is Self. Although, self implies there is only one involved these phrases have a lot to do with factors generated outside one's self.
I am totally self-conscious and worry a lot about my impact on those around me. I do not want to stand out and yet I often do so defense mechanisms often kick in to protect myself. I would rather be thought of a quick witted and not overweight. Kind and not bitchy (based on my resting bitch face). I would prefer to be seen as problem solver not overly critical.
Working in therapy, I see where all the moves from state to state made me so self-conscious. Doesn't everyone have a constant voice in your head correcting everything you do as you are doing it? I literally am correcting my actions and behaviors based on my environment at all times. There is no voice saying, "Don't worry about it you are fine, it is there problem." No, rather it is constant corrections of my own controlled or instinctual actions that I am attempting to correct before anyone notices or before I even do it. I am the only one I can control so I have learned that I must do so constantly to protect myself for un-necessary ridicule.
Self-Worth is a value one places on themselves as a standard. Again, I can only control myself so if there is issues or negativity surrounding me then I must be doing something wrong or need to do something more. My worth is low because the value others place on me never measured up to my wants or needs.
I was the girl who knew a lot of people but no one cared to know me. When people don't care enough to know you then your value is pretty low. I have always been considered too smart for mainstream but not smart enough for achievement. I am the girl who earned a academic varsity letter and wasn't invited to honors night to receive it. It was on my chair at graduation rehearsal and I had to ask why I received it.
I have lived my life in the middle figuratively and actually which causes your worth to never be quite good enough. My older sister was a genius although struggled as an adult because she was rebellious. My little sister has always been more creative and smarter than myself. I have always considered myself as being lesser than both of them because that is simply the hand I have been dealt. It is difficult to place high value on something that is mediocre. Then again it is hard to place low value on something that isn't below par. Self-worth can cause you to ignore your environment, your health, and other things. If I am not worth anything to those around me why would I be worth anything to myself.
Self-Esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. I believe in making smart decisions so I research and base my opinions on facts. The fact is I have been forgotten by many in my lifetime. I have also been the source of many people's ridicule and laughter. I am smart but what I don't know, I don't know and therefore I am naive. I am not afraid to ask questions so that becomes a source for others to exploit. I genuinely care for people, and have difficulty saying no when others ask me for help. I am everyone's friend and yet no one's favorite person. I view this fact as being the justification for low self-esteem.
Self-Conscious, Self-Worth, and Self-Esteem are major themes in therapy. I have a hard time with compliments because they are so rare. I assume people are just being polite. I assume this because those that say it often do not know me and when I have so much negative feedback there isn't enough positive to counteract. When you put your heart into everything you do and fall short it is difficult to give yourself value. Maybe someday someone will give me the evidence I need to think of myself as being worth more. As it stands, the value is low because the struggles are so real and neverending that there is no evidence warranting me to value myself more.
Self-conscious because I have too many flaws. Self-Worth is low because average isn't worth much these days. Finally, Self-Esteem is hard to have when you feel as though you are a running joke and source of humor for others. Being laughed at is not the same as laughing with.
Everything a person experiences creates the person you see today. Remember what you say to someone today can stick with that person the rest of their life. Everyone sets their value but their experiences are all they have to prove their value. Be kind and treat others as you wish to be treated.
Amaysing Thoughts
I can understand all of this. I got good grades because I worked hard. I played sports well, because I had to work extra hard. My brother is tall, handsome, super smart... like super smart and funny. I was always compared and never stacked up. I second guess everything I do. Everything I say. And have a constant stream of negative thoughts about me. I'm sending hugs. Because sometimes that's the thing we need. Someone who gets it.
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