Nine years later. It is difficult to consider all that has happened and all the emotions that have been felt. I made a promise once when my sister only had one child and then again when her second was born. A promise is a promise.
If you ask my oldest niece, "What are two truths about Auntie Trina?" She may answer, "Auntie Trina always tells the truth and she does her best to keep her promises." This is very accurate. Why lie? What comes from a lie?
In my perspective, as an over thinker, I figure I would have to remember the truth and remember the lie about the truth. I would then have to remember who knows the truth versus who knows the lie and make sure I am on the right scenario in front of the right people. This is taking up a lot of space in your brain just to keep a lie. I figure I can remember more things then others that lie because I only keep the truths and tell it without having to worry about all the other stuff.
Now lies are not always the biggest hurdle to overcome. A belief based on avoiding the facts and ignoring all aspects of a situation can be just as harmful as spreading lies. Trusting those who have a known history of pathologically lying does not make sense. I believe it makes you equally as guilty about spreading the false truths.
I think of an ostrich sticking their head in the sand and assuming that that alone can protect them from predators. Reality is they are given speed to escape but instead choose avoidance. This to me makes sense as to why they may come to their demise. It is those that just avoid the issue around them and assume they are safe.
I am a problem solver not an avoider. I learned at a young age in swimming and then again in golf the importance of follow through. If you don't make every stroke (in either sport) count then what is the reason for being there? I also learned to track my opponents whether it a side eye glance when taking a breath in butterfly or tallying other golfers strokes on your score card to know where you stand throughout the course. Anticipating their movements such as maintaining a steady speed prior to picking up the speed and sprinting the final lap or identifying their short game successes and the final hole being a par three. Understanding your own shortcomings and identifying the strengths and weakness of the opponent can be the difference between success and failure.
This being said, my sister asked me the same question many other people have been asked. "If anything happens to me will you take care of my children?" I like many responded, "Yes, absolutely but don't think that way." I found myself in a position few have found themselves in. Having to follow through on a promise you never thought would actually happen. Did I ever for a bazillion years think I would lose my sister and be faced with figuring out how I was going to maintain a relationship/help raise her girls? The answer... NO, not in a bazillion years.
My thoughts driving from my work to my parents house within an hour of being told my sister was gone.
1. My brother-in-law cannot afford to pay rent with two incomes he definitely won't be able to with one.
2. I have 4 bedrooms, my sister was going to move in, but I guess I need to ask my brother-in-law to move in just so I know the girls will be safe.
3. The girls are my number one priority, I have the crib and twin size bed so I can offer to watch the girls while he processes this.
4. How do you just not wake up? She was four months post-partum and already had a three month post c-section appointment and no complications... this doesn't make sense... how do you not wake up?
The girls were my focus especially when police were involved investigating her death. I within two weeks of her death made an appointment with an attorney. My parents accompanied me because my husband had to work. My only question was, "My sister passed away and police are investigating her husband for foul play. What can I do to ensure that my sister's daughters do not end up in the system or with strangers if he were to be arrested for killing her?"
The attorney said basically there is nothing I can do and "If" he were to be arrested and if his family would fight for the children it is more ideal to pursue within the same tiers. I asked him to explain and he said grandmother is a higher tier than aunt. So tier 1 is grandmother goes against tier 2 an aunt courts are more likely to side with tier 1 grandmother. I understood even though the concept made me annoyed.
My sister specifically did not want her daughters raised by her in-laws. To the point of specifying, "Promise me you won't let me kids be raised by ....." I put her at ease in that moment and was currently facing the fact that the girls were at the mercy of their father and what he chose to do. This is beyond frustrating because I am not a sit back and enjoy the ride kind of girl. I am a backseat or passenger seat driver, a tell you what I am thinking when I am thinking it, my rules follow me so don't think because your parents are here that I won't tell you to behave to Auntie Trina expectations. This attorney just told me I have to let others do what I promised I would do.
I spent years doing everything I could think to do in order to ensure I knew how the girls were, what they were doing, and making sure they were safe. Imagine attending every AYSO soccer game yet never being given the schedule by the parent. Imagine looking up all school media posts and videos of events looking for a glimpse of their first day of school, harvest day, or end of the year field day. Imagine looking up concerts and just showing up because the parent isn't telling you. Ordering school pictures directly from the photography studio because you aren't given copies of things like that.
When I was allowed to see the girls prior to my brother-in-law finding out about the civil case it was a lot. His girlfriend's daughter had to come so it was always the three of them and they were sent in what they were wearing with the exceptation that it was Friday and the girls would be dropped off at church school on Sunday and my brother-in-law would pick them up after class. I bought them clothes, I made sure they weren't wearing the torn, stained too small items and bought them clothes. They would end up wearing the clothes home only for me to literally buy more every week.
In the summer I sent them home in the clothes they came in and received a call being yelled at for them coming home in dirty clothes. The rest of that summer I literally gathered their Friday clothes at bathtime, washed them Friday before I went to bed, and had hem ready clean for them to go home in Sunday. I know I was being used but I do also know when enough is enough.
Fighting for the girls has been a internal struggle. Even upon his arrest I fretted over where they would be. I spent every weekend at my parents when they had the three girls prior to civil case. I slept on my parents couch whenever the girls were there. Whenever my parents had them I made sure I was available and present. Doing that while trying to maintain your own house and responsibilities is beyond difficult. Juggling everything is hard.
This has been a 9 year struggle for me and I have been fighting for my commitment to my sister and her girls. I couldn't and wouldn't settle for my parents have the Guardianship and me helping. It is fine in the interim but now that we have conviction, life sentencing, and new trial denied, the girls deserve stability and continuity. My sister's wishes deserve to be implemented and the false narratives regarding her death must stop.
She did not knowingly consume heroin and die due to overdose.
My sister was poisoned by her husband who used heroin as the means of ending her life.
Heroin toxicity as cause of death was ruled as Accident originally by Medical Examiner because Police failed to communicate with the Medical Examiner about potential homicide brought forward by the husband's siblings and the my parents. Medical Examiner only has 4 options for cause of death and without Police communicating their information Homicide could not be chosen. Heroin death cannot be considered Natural so that was ruled out. Police failed to state they were investigating so Pending Investigation was not selected. As a result, the only option left available was Accident which was 100% a false cause of death from the moment it was selected.
The beginning of August, I spent multiple hours being cross-examined rehashing much of this. (I will blog specifically about that later.) Listening to testimony stating the death certificate original findings were accurate just makes my blood boil.
If you believe her death was an accident then you are saying... my sister would knowingly consume heroin and be willing to drug her baby. There is no way ever she would do either of those things.
The lengths people will go to keep their false image in tact is astonishing. I have not blogged in a while. During the previously stated cross-examination my blog was used by the opposing counsel as evidence against me.
This made me question myself and my blog. I was silenced for 5 years and then an additional two years before conviction. I use my blog as a means to voice my thoughts. Speak my truths which I used to just openly blurt out when the thought was created. I never held back I just spoke my mind instantly. I was forced to be silent, internalize, and stifle. I was forced to keep my network selective and small. In a small town you never know who knows who. So talking even in public was limited. When thoughts are all consuming focused on girls safety andsister"s death investigation it is hard to generate chit chat thoughts. Silenced and muted was my new reality. After conviction I knew I needed to let myself speak, generate thoughts, Express what I have been holding in and my words were being used against me.
I defended every word. I only speak my truth so I do not need to remember those lies. I think these thoughts own my words and perspective. I am not an ostrich or spreading false narratives.
So 9 years post-death; my words are the same. My sister was NEVER suicidal, natural death does not make sense, and Police failed her. She was not an Accidental death bt overdose.
Christina Ann Thompson Harris was murdered by her husband and his weapon of choice was Heroine.
I stand by my words and promise is a promise and the truth is the truth. As of August 1, 2023, my husband and I were appointed Full Guardianship of my nieces... mic drop.
