Monday, September 29, 2014 - part 2

My little sister and I are silent as we drive less then two miles to our older sister's house. Words are not generating and I  have no idea what to expect or how to process the information I learned.  I pulled into the driveway of the empty house next door.  We saw our mom standing alone in the front year so we joined her.  

Mom told us she was still in the house but no one was allowed in as it was a potentional crime scene.  The house sat on a corner lot so we were facing the other street.  The driveway was positioned on the back of the house along with the main door used to enter.  They never used the front door as it only had a small patio and no walking path just grass.  We stood and I noticed my brother-in-law, his mother, his sister, and his brother.  Along with our priest.  Knowing your church is a stone throw away and realizing someone took the time to call the priest was just something that didnt compute to me.  It wasn't the first thing on my mind.  My mind was needing answers.

All of a sudden the front door opened and next thing I know a gurneys is coming out with a body completely wrapped in a thick grey blanket.  It was wrapped and strapped down.  I said the first thing that came to my mind as the two paramedics wheeled it to the ambulance.  Staring at the profile I said, "Well that is definitely her." Mind you all I saw was the profile of the blanket bit the strap was positioned at her rib cage under her chest.  My sister was large to say the least before breast feeding she measured an F cup.  She was always afraid of suffocating her baby so this was a major reason she opted to pump on schedule.  Mom said, "Yeah there is no doubt about that."  Hunor at a time like this was not my intent but I was stating the obvious.  I could sense my little sister was emotional and when I turned around I realized she had turned and faced the tree that was just behind us.  I had no words, what could you say at that point.

This is when mom saw the Medical Examiner's Investigator and went to the drive way.  I followed her but was stopped by my brother-in-law's brother.  He and I to me are parallels we are both middles, our older siblings chose paths less traveled, we both did as told went to college, got married, bought houses, and were the responsible ones.  He gave me a HUG... it was strong and I knew if I stayed in that embrace I would break down.  

At this point, my mom was was asking ME-I for information but he was focused on speaking to the husband.  He left the scene and that is when the ambulance without lights pulled away.  The same time the police office was in his car pulling away.  My brother-in-law walked up to me and stood.

We were all in a circle on side of the house, my mom, my sister, my brother-in-law, his mother, his siblings and our priest.

I looked at my priest and stated, "I apologize Father for what I am about to say." Confused he looked at me.  I focused on my brother-in-law stepped forward to him looking him square in the eyes and said, "How the f*** does this happen?"  I again turned to my priest and apologized my choice of words.  He acknowledged me and told me I was fine he understood.  

My brother-in-law looked at me with no emotion and mumbled, "Not sure."

Not sure... that wasn't good enough.  I didnt get to see her face I knew she had something to say to me because my brain was fixated on seeing her face.  What was she telling me why did I need to see her face.  

I looked at him and asked about the girls, he said my older niece was at school and the baby was at daycare.  I said I would pick Hailey up asked him if he wanted me to tell her or was he.  He said I could and so after that.  He turned and walked into the house.  His family was with him.  My mom said she would meet us at her house.

My sister and I returned to my car and all I could think was I need to get my niece from school and tell her.  She is 4 and she is going to hate me for saying this to her for the rest of my life.

When we pulled into my parents driveway my best friend was there.  Now to figure out school and daycare pick up.  Then figure out what the hell is happening. I didn't see her face and I have no idea what is going on.

To be continued...

aMAYSing Thoughts 

Monday, September 29, 2014

If I sit and think too long my mind plays the never ending loop of events that have occurred the last seven years.  I remember it and play the movie in my head and wish I could change things but unfortunately I live in a world where there is no do overs.  It is difficult but it is life.  

September 29, 2014 started out as any Monday morning for me at the credit union.  I got up, got ready, and was out the door and to my branch where I was the Branch Manager before 8:30 am.  We did not open until 10:00 am.

I go there, prepped the coffee for the lobby, started my computer, unlocked the back room so I could get prepped for opening tasks, went back to my office to check email, and check pending so I could plan for the day.  Mondays were a day I had to be on-the-ball.  I gave Mondays off to my assistant since she worked most every Saturday.  I am the kind of boss that understands I may be a work-a-holic but not everyone else is.  I wanted to make sure she still had what felt like a full weekend since she had a place on the bay.  It also gave her the opportunity to watch her infant grandson which I knew she loved.  I am all about giving a routine schedule since that helps everyone.

My first employee arrived at around 9:00 am because Mondays we had to prep to make sure cash was ordered for the coming week. To miss the Federal Reserve deadline was simply not ok.  The risk of having no funds for members was something as a manager you never wanted to report to upper management.  My Monday mornings were always busy with balancing the ATM, processing ATM deposits, verifying our drop box deposits, and arranging cash order.  I had one employee help me do this so they arrived before everyone else.  The other staff had a 15 minute cushion to arrive before the doors would be unlocked.  Then who knows what would walk in the door.  Our parking lot usually had people waiting for us to open and it was either our happy regulars you were always a joy to see (no sarcasm I really mean it) or it was those who had a "great" weekend and needed to tell us how the credit union made it that way (full of sarcasm). 

When I am focused then I am focused.  Once I am in balancing cash, verifying, and in the zone I like to stay there.  I was in process of morning routine when someone called into the vault and said my dad was calling I told them to tell him I'd call him back.  My dad only would call me at work to ask about his business account since it was the only account outside of our preferred credit union.  (Don't put all your eggs in one basket especially when it comes to personal finance and employment.)

When I left the vault, and went into teller department I was told the call center needed to talk to me.  I picked up the phone and they said my dad was on the phone and said it was important.  I told them to transfer him to my office.  I am the type boss what when I say open door policy I mean open door policy.  I had moved my office to the one next to the teller department so I would keep my door to lobby locked and keep the teller department door open.  This way I could hear everything and be able to put out the fires when necessary.  

I sat at my desk and the phone rang from the transfer and it was my dad's voice.  He said calmly but a forced calm, "Hey Bean, I need you to come home."  Yes, my nickname is Bean aka Triner Beaner which was shortened to Beaner and my dad further shortened to Bean.  I told my dad I was the only supervisor today so I couldn't just leave.  He again repeated, "I need you to come home."

I instantly realized what a minute something is wrong... yeah it takes me a minute especially on Monday's and especially when I have the 50 opening tasks running through my head that all require balancing to the penny... no errors allowed.  I told my dad, "You have to tell me what is happening so I can tell upper management otherwise I cannot leave."

His only words were, "It's Christy, she didn't wake up." My only response was, "Is she gone?" He said, "Yes, now come home, but drive safe." That is when I must have elevated my voice and I asked, "How? What happened? How do you just not wake up? This doesnt make sense?" He told me to calm down call who I needed to call and come home.

I hung up the phone and teller closest to my office had shut the door and looked concerned.  She had went to school to be an ultrasound technician and I originally went to college for nursing.  We could talk medical issues and we knew we had and understanding that we knew the terminology and understood more than others when it cam to medical issues.  She is also the one who's mother went in and out of hospice and upper management told me to let her go because out schedule was not conducive to her ability to work only one day a week.  I told upper management I would not do this and as a staff we worked together to cover the shortage myself working and extra day a week so she could have the time she needed with her mother.  Those moments you can't get back that you shouldn't have to regret later.  

I looked at her and said, "It doesn't make sense... how do you just not wake up? She is 4 months post-partum and this c-section fixed all the complications she had in the first c-section.  This doesn't make sense. How do you just not wake up?"

She looked at me said, "Honestly, I do not know." Then she gave me a hug.  I then proceeded to call HR tell them I had to leave.  They were not happy my assistant had the day off.  They said they would send someone and give us 20 minutes.   I said that is fine.  

I finished the morning opening tasks, texted my assistant to give her heads up since and time you leave your smooth running machine someone will find something to say it is not working and make it into a problem. My relief arrived and it was my gormer boss turned co-worker turned friend. I let her know I ordered cash so she did not have to worry.  She gave me a hug and told me to leave but asked if I was okay to drive.  I said I was fine, looked at my staff told them all I was ok and I left my branch.

I got into my car felt the shortness of breath from a panic attack sitting in my throat, and tears welling up.  Then I thought how am I going to drive across the county to get home like this safely.  Light bulb went off and I did what any one would do in that situation... I called my person.

My best friend picked up and first said, "Why aren't you at work?" I responded, "It's Christy, she didnt wake up, I have to go home." This is when tears started actively flowing and her response was the exact thing that knocked me away from the edge of my tearful of panic confusion and into my right mind. She said, "How the f*** does that happen?" 

Yes, now I had a mission find out how this happened.  This means I am not the only one questioning this.  I needed answers, I needed to see her face.  I drove home carefully making sure I was taking precautions and she stayed on my phone (synced to my car, jeez I said I was careful) until I got home.

My little sister and dad were home because those were the only vehicles in the driveway.  I walked in and asked my dad where mom was.  He responded she was still at Christy's house.  I said then that is where I am going, my little sister who walked into the kitchen said then I am too.  And the next thing I know, my sister and I are headed to see my mom.  And all I kept telling myself was... I need to see her face.

To be continued...

aMAYSing Thoughts