Family time has always been important to us. From driving "home" to Michigan when we lived out of state to trips like Disney World, Merrimack Caverns, Cedar Point, and Winston Salem.
One vacation destination that my parents have prioritized since 2006 is Outer Banks, NC. This wasn't a family vacation rather couples that rented a beach house for a week of ocean front beach relaxation. I was not allowed to go until I was married so my husband and first went in 2008 and I have gone every year since.
My older sister always wanted to go and it was a sore subject. My parents rule was that you had to find your own way there and pay your way. My sister didn't have reliable transportation that could make the trip and didn't work somewhere that would allow her to take the 9 consecutive days off to make the trip.
When I think about it now I am just annoyed wondering what level of manipulation caused her to not be able to attend. My brother-in-law would play the money woes card for vehicle repairs, and other necessities. Seeing that he was the sole person in charge of the finances and that she was in the relationship she was in I feel bad she didn't have the opportunity to go to OBX.
We were discussing a girls trip prior to her death. My little sister wanted to see her all time favorite Britney Spears when she was in Las Vegas for a small bachelorette party with the concert being the priority. My older sister had just found out she bonused her new store and was awarded General Manager of the year. She had the money to book the plane fare and was excited to go on a trip.
Little did we know there were other plans. Within weeks of her discussing she could go she was gone. She missed out on a lot of opportunities some due to her own choices but now I question how many were not in her control but something she was having to hide.
This year my parents, my older sister's daughters, my little sister's family, my husband, and myself. My older sister's youngest asked me if her mom ever went to OBX. I said unfortunately not and then she of course asked why? I explained her work schedule but knew I was not saying my true thoughts.
When someone uses manipulation to the level my brother-in-law did it is hard to distinguish what is real. If he were using their money more responsibly could she have come to more family trips?
Why does money have to play such a major role in everything? My parents are out their retirement funds fighting for my sister paying for an investigation the police did not do. My sister struggled with finances her whole adult life from back rent to getting my brother-in-law garnishments, school loans, child support, etc.
Throughout this process we have lost so much. The four of us left of my family of five gave all lost jobs, depleted accounts, and overall have struggled. A conviction does not change these facts. We still are struggling.
I am greatful for our week in OBX this year but it brings up so many thoughts I struggle with. For instance, we went to OBX and I worked all week remotely. I am not pictured in the vacation because I was working.
My husband and I depleted our savings to take my nieces to Disney in March. We returned and his first day back to work he was terminated. The struggles are never ending.
Fact we would have some relief if the civil case settlement signed my by brother-in-law in law accepting responsibility for my sister's death and the award of 2 million he was to pay us were collectable these struggles may be viewed differently.
It all is a manipulation you can take responsibility and know you will never pay the settlement awarded and that is acceptable. You can also let a family lose everything while they do the job you earn you paycheck and that too is acceptable.
What isn't acceptable is wanting those held accountable for their actions. That shouldn't be too much to ask for.
Just my mental ramblings that have been swimming through my brain.
aMAYSing Thoughts
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